Question: If, when you drop a buttered piece of bread, it drops
butter side down and a cat always lands on its feet. What would happen
if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the back of a cat
(butter side up) and dropped it?
Answer: Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you
should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology
demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws
of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash it's furry
back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way
to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get),
you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will,
when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-
twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium
point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing
lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.
Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this
principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The
loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of
several hundred cats.
The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the
bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats
will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good,
since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-
hot starship and irritated aliens crash on top of them.
The More I Laugh, The More
I Think!
