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How To Give Your Cat A Pill
- Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on
your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle.
Coo confidently, "That's a nice
kitty". Drop the pill in its mouth.
- Retrieve cat from top of lamp & pill from under sofa.
- Follow the same procedure as in 1, but hold cats front
paws down with left hand
& back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into
its mouth with right forefinger.
- Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle
(resist impulse to get
new cat).
- Again proceed as in 1 except when you have cat firmly
cradled in bottle feeding
position, sit on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat,
bring your right hand over
your left elbow, open cats mouth by lifting the upper jaw &
pop pill in quickly!
Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able
to see what you are doing.
That's just as well.
- Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
- If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man,
have a good cry.
- Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here
anyway? Retrieve cat & pill.
Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here
anyway?" Open cats mouth,
take pill & ..... oops!
- This isn't working, is it? Collapse & think. Aha!
Those flashing slashing claws
are causing the chaos her, aren't they?
- Crawl to the linen closet licking your wounds. Drag
back a large beach towel.
Spread the towel on the floor.
- Retrieve cat from kitchen counter & pill from potted
plant.
- Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over
long edge.
- Flatten cats front & back legs over its stomach (resist
impluse to flatten cat).
- Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait
for now man - or woman!
- Resume position 1. Rotate left hand to cat's head.
Press its mouth at the jaw
hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
- Drop it into cats mouth & poke gently. Voila! its done.
- Vacuum up loose fur (the cat's). Apply bandages to
wounds (yours).
- Take two aspirins & lie down.
Author Unknown
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